Wednesday, November 25, 2009
more thoughts. to share
still wading around in the gender pool, I found the following
Sugarbutch on femme invisibility
The it Identity and me on What is a femme
and butch-femme cast
Sugarbutch on femme invisibility
The it Identity and me on What is a femme
and butch-femme cast
Monday, November 23, 2009
femme is a gender queer identity.
at the transcending boundaries conference this weekend I had a lot of time to think about the boundaries of gender. the ways in which we transcend them, think we transcend them, and/or have simply changed the boundaries without really transcending anything.
and I have some thoughts.
it was the first time that I was able to talk about my self and my identity as a genderqueer person. but as i sat there, in the ballroom amongst other genderfuckertransfolkpolypanbeautifulpeople,
I realized that it was only the label that changed and not me.
The thing is that I have always felt like my gender was part of something greater than "girl," i realized the joke that gender is always playing on us, and that moving in and out of those boundaries was a comfortable place for me to be - in between.
At the conference, there was quite a strong contingent of genderqueers, and/or visible gender fucking. Why is it that I have only allowed myself to identify as genderqueer now? When I say genderqueer I mean, those who fuck gender and those who are unrestrained by gender binaries. But when I was more often identifying with femme, and strong femme at that, I would not dare to take that genderqueer nametag. Afraid to be scoffed at, gawked at, or, even, to raise an eyebrow.
hmmm.
In my experience, genderqueer has become something that folks claim by either presenting anything other than the proscribed gender identity associated with their private parts (think female bodied, masculine/andro/anything-other-than-femme-or-fem presenting folks).
But as a strong, dom femme, my understanding of myself was still gender "queer." Femme was a costume that I adored (and still do) as a powerful way to present myself. I felt that being femme was a stance, an announcement that gender was a game, and I was going to win (and i will). not much of the strength in my use of gender presentation has changed between femme and genderfuckingqueer, only the words to label them.
is it just me, or has an "either/or" popped up here?
And so I wonder, are we simply changing the names to allow for a "queered-up" version of a gender binary, one that we might have been trying to escape anyhow?
Would a high radical femme of a female bodied body be allowed into a genderqueer-only space, if part of that person's understanding of themselves included genderqueerness?
i think so. but why does it feel like it is not allowed.
It seems the "allowed" categories that we have policed ourselves and each other into include - femme (as one part of a spectrum) and genderqueer on another. Why can't femmes be genderqueers too? Why is it that I waited until i had my boi haircut to feel empowered by genderqueerness, instead of something that I had to hide inside my pushupbraandfakeeyelashes?
If gender really is more than the clothes you wear, more than your hair and your makeup and the way you walk, and who you like to screw and when and how, then what gives?
and I have some thoughts.
it was the first time that I was able to talk about my self and my identity as a genderqueer person. but as i sat there, in the ballroom amongst other genderfuckertransfolkpolypanbeautifulpeople,
I realized that it was only the label that changed and not me.
The thing is that I have always felt like my gender was part of something greater than "girl," i realized the joke that gender is always playing on us, and that moving in and out of those boundaries was a comfortable place for me to be - in between.
At the conference, there was quite a strong contingent of genderqueers, and/or visible gender fucking. Why is it that I have only allowed myself to identify as genderqueer now? When I say genderqueer I mean, those who fuck gender and those who are unrestrained by gender binaries. But when I was more often identifying with femme, and strong femme at that, I would not dare to take that genderqueer nametag. Afraid to be scoffed at, gawked at, or, even, to raise an eyebrow.
hmmm.
In my experience, genderqueer has become something that folks claim by either presenting anything other than the proscribed gender identity associated with their private parts (think female bodied, masculine/andro/anything-other-than-femme-or-fem presenting folks).
But as a strong, dom femme, my understanding of myself was still gender "queer." Femme was a costume that I adored (and still do) as a powerful way to present myself. I felt that being femme was a stance, an announcement that gender was a game, and I was going to win (and i will). not much of the strength in my use of gender presentation has changed between femme and genderfuckingqueer, only the words to label them.
is it just me, or has an "either/or" popped up here?
And so I wonder, are we simply changing the names to allow for a "queered-up" version of a gender binary, one that we might have been trying to escape anyhow?
Would a high radical femme of a female bodied body be allowed into a genderqueer-only space, if part of that person's understanding of themselves included genderqueerness?
i think so. but why does it feel like it is not allowed.
It seems the "allowed" categories that we have policed ourselves and each other into include - femme (as one part of a spectrum) and genderqueer on another. Why can't femmes be genderqueers too? Why is it that I waited until i had my boi haircut to feel empowered by genderqueerness, instead of something that I had to hide inside my pushupbraandfakeeyelashes?
If gender really is more than the clothes you wear, more than your hair and your makeup and the way you walk, and who you like to screw and when and how, then what gives?
and another thing
(this is an afterthought to the previous post called "femme is a gender queer identity")
A couple weeks ago I was reading a blog post by the presbyqueerian. Here's one of my fav lines
But the thing is - this thoughtpiece was prefaced by these words, "Every time I am in a space with enough politically correct consciousness to ask participants in the conversation, group, meeting,what have you, to state their name and pronoun preference. . . " For some reason, this did not sit with me well. and it still doesn't. and I think i have come to get a grip on a little bit of it.
and so the thing is. I was thinking.
I feel more pressure and feel more policed by those "politically correct counscious" people than I think i should. This weekend I walked into a space full of transandgenderqueer folks and instead of breathing a sigh of relief that "phew, now i can wear whatever i want and feel like I can be who i want to be," I, instead, felt "oh fuck, if i want to be understood and perceived in a way that mirrors the way i feel inside than i better not wear the asshugging jeans and instead go the more 'boyish' route." it was panic to present myself.
there's this expectation that folks who think and look like you and agree with you should allow you to be who ever you'd like to be. there is this expectation that being politically conscious means being accepting and welcoming.
i'd like it if it really felt that way.
talking with another gendertranscender at the conference, the person echoed how i felt. Ze said that ze had felt similar pressure to present "extra" genderfuck-ing that morning to prove hirself amongst the others - this meant wearing two sportsbras and a binder to be flatflatflat. and ze had achieved it. "but now i can't breathe. . . "
and thats what its come down to.
somehow feeling secure and empowered in your gender presentation and the ability to please the other folks in your identity group must equal pain. more restrictions - just another brand.
somehow i fear the scorn of queersandgenderqueers more than i care what the rightwing has to say about me.
somehow i feel that i have just entered another category to push myself around into and allow myself to be pushed around by what i think others expect of me.
when did community stop looking like love and acceptance for each other?
A couple weeks ago I was reading a blog post by the presbyqueerian. Here's one of my fav lines
Maybe that’s it, saying “I prefer she” simplifies my journey with the sex and gender I have, that somehow I am at peace with the sex I’ve been given and the gender I was raised to have.Beautiful.
But the thing is - this thoughtpiece was prefaced by these words, "Every time I am in a space with enough politically correct consciousness to ask participants in the conversation, group, meeting,what have you, to state their name and pronoun preference. . . " For some reason, this did not sit with me well. and it still doesn't. and I think i have come to get a grip on a little bit of it.
and so the thing is. I was thinking.
I feel more pressure and feel more policed by those "politically correct counscious" people than I think i should. This weekend I walked into a space full of transandgenderqueer folks and instead of breathing a sigh of relief that "phew, now i can wear whatever i want and feel like I can be who i want to be," I, instead, felt "oh fuck, if i want to be understood and perceived in a way that mirrors the way i feel inside than i better not wear the asshugging jeans and instead go the more 'boyish' route." it was panic to present myself.
there's this expectation that folks who think and look like you and agree with you should allow you to be who ever you'd like to be. there is this expectation that being politically conscious means being accepting and welcoming.
i'd like it if it really felt that way.
talking with another gendertranscender at the conference, the person echoed how i felt. Ze said that ze had felt similar pressure to present "extra" genderfuck-ing that morning to prove hirself amongst the others - this meant wearing two sportsbras and a binder to be flatflatflat. and ze had achieved it. "but now i can't breathe. . . "
and thats what its come down to.
somehow feeling secure and empowered in your gender presentation and the ability to please the other folks in your identity group must equal pain. more restrictions - just another brand.
somehow i fear the scorn of queersandgenderqueers more than i care what the rightwing has to say about me.
somehow i feel that i have just entered another category to push myself around into and allow myself to be pushed around by what i think others expect of me.
when did community stop looking like love and acceptance for each other?
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