gender{ed} greetings upon visiting the south

twice in the past two months, i have found myself traveling in the south. dallas, texas. atlanta, georgia.

first things first - southern hospitality, strict gender barriers, and homophobia somehow make up a perfect little storm for me to get all twisted up and frustrated.

"well, hello there young lady."
"Ma'am, would you mind. . . "
"Excuse me, sir, uh, i mean, well, uh, OH, sorry."

It seems to me that the first moment, I get off the plane, i feel my gender strength shrink a little bit. And I try this out in different ways.

First day in the hotel, I wear my heels, my swishy femmy pants, bra with padding. the ma'ams and smiles go flying. My youth is pointed out to me at every turn. But, no thank you, old man, i don't care if you like my bag or that you felt the need to condescend to me based on my sex and age. eff off.

Second day - boyed up to the nines, with the full eyeliner and mascara touch, "ma'am" is no longer delivered as a coo or a congratulations, but more of a "could you get the hell out of here so someone else can stand here instead?" And, of course, it is still ma'am. Apparently, there is no way to express politeness that isn't attached to a gendered word.

And I dont' mean to knock on the south. because really, some of the down-est queer-est fierce folks call the south home, but I want to know - why?

Obviously this happens whenever i travel in this little country. And I wonder, what would happen to the social fabric, the invisible contract of etiquette, if I just started calling people out. Made my life into a sort of PSA, for "shut the fuck up with attemptingtopushyourpowerstucturedideasonme by covering it up with a smile." I'd probably get tired. I'd probably get harassed. someone might throw small objects at me. Or someone might give it another thought.